Expectations

So, I was just on another blog, (won't put the name out, because I don't think she wants people to know about it) and she was talking about expectations. The many expectations people have for you or the many expectations you have for others. I wrote like the longest comment of life on there and I decided to transfer it over because it pretty much sums up how I feel about most of the people who I interact with on a daily basis.
"Okie dokie. Lots to say here. So I completely agree with the two sides part. I can equally relate: people either think I'm "Holier than Thou" or a complete "Bitch", which is not true. I have many sides of me, just like everyone else and its only those who are really close to me who know the REAL me. I can be those 2 people and many more, if others would be open to getting to really know me, and not judging me by my reactions to a few situations.

Also, with the high and low expectations part. I mostly get the high expectations from my family (or my professors as well), which is more of a stressor than any other person could put on me.  I want to be the most perfect person (which I know can't be attained) for my parents, so they can be proud of me. But, I never really stop to think that they already are. I keep pushing and pushing to make sure that they know that I AM the best child they will ever have. (Seeing as though I am an only child.) Like for example, I just failed one of my biology exams recently, and my dad said something like "That's not like you." Now, right there, its him EXPECTING me to be absolutely perfect and get the perfect grades, when that is not the case all of the time.

And low expectations. Those mostly come from my friends. They expect me to be the "bitch" all the time, never taking into account, "Yes, I do have feelings like the rest of you." Probably moreso. I'm just extremely sensitive to EVERYTHING and so when you make a ignorant or nasty comment, I react on an extreme level. I try to work on it, but I've conditioned myself to behave like that because I don't want to get my feelings hurt when I let my guards down for people. I constantly get (especially from Donivan when I see him) "Your so much nicer now." I've always been this way. Its just your so stuck in seeing me in one light that you can't fathom that I actually have more sides than just the "bitch" or the "perfect little girl."

All in all, I completely get where your coming from on this one."

I just feel pretty confined to one box or the other when I'm around certain people. When its with the friends I hang out with the most its the "Bitch" box, and when I'm around family its the "Holier than Thou" box. Can't people understand that there are more than just one side of people?

I'm not saying that I don't deserve to be put in those boxes, because my behavior has shown accordingly. Many need to realize that just like you, I have a side that I don't like to constantly show. I never cry in front of people or show any type of sadness, and if I do, to most its perceived as anger. I will say this time and time again, I am EXTREMELY sensitive. Any little backwards comment you make in relation to ANYTHING about me, my friends/family, or anything that I have gone through or people close to me have gone through, I'm going to react, and not in the manner that is always appropriate.

My anger is more commonly shown to people because that side of me who is very fragile, I will not show. To anyone. Maybe my parents. But, I've been through enough disappointment in people, with the way they treat me or the things they've said about me whenever I let that side out. I guess in order to show the person I want to show to people, you have to earn it.  But, who really wants to wait that long? Should I keep on my "Bitch" face forever? Or come with my sensitive side and wait to see how people really treat me?

She also made a post about the expectations of people. I think I've lost that. I think its really sad that with the exception of maybe my grandparents, I don't put anything past anyone. Even my own parents. I recently found out something really shocking about one of my parents (I don't think I should share because its personal) and it just kind of solidified the already solid boulder of "Don't trust anyone. Don't expect people to be the person you thought they were, because they aren't." People will do you dirty quicker than shit, especially the ones who you think wouldn't. I understand people have flaws and are human, so showing any type of expectation for anyone, even myself, just seems futile. They'll prove you wrong time and time again. From being a child disappointed by my own parents, to being a teen disappointed by my closest family member (so I thought), and been a young woman sometimes disappointed in myself, I find it pointless to but an expectation on anything or anyone, because life will always throw you a curve ball to fuck you up.

I don't know. This topic hits home to me on so many levels. I want to say more about it, but I really think I've done it justice.

Post your comments! Have you ever been confined to one box before? Do people really know the real you?